What I have neither the time nor the energy for

These days we hear a great deal about procrastination, the art of putting things off. We hear both sides of what it does to us. The good and the bad. The good side is described as something that invites you to doubt, to explain other options, to ask yourself whether it is what you want or not, and so on. The bad side is described as something that keeps you from moving forward at all, the side that calls you lazy, adrift and careless with yourself and with your dreams.

But those labels are not what we are going to talk about.

Today I lived something I did not expect. I got a call from someone close to me, pointing out a situation from a gathering we had had a few nights before. A situation I had been aware of and had dealt with at the time, but which this person, very close to me as I said, in what looked like a show of love and solidarity, felt obliged to check I had really taken in and acted upon.

With patience and tolerance I listened to what they had to say: their view, their judgements and the rest, respecting what they felt and understanding that this was their relationship with the situation, lived through their own beliefs and values.

As the conversation went on, I began to notice that my body no longer felt as well as it had seconds before the call. So when they said “I am telling you this because what matters to me is that you are all right”, I answered that if that was the aim, it was not being reached.

Without going too far into the details of the conversation, which in the end went round and round, taking me through frustration, sadness and doubt, I came to the conclusion that none of those emotions were mine, so they did not have to affect me or take up my time or my energy. It sounds easy. But let me tell the last part properly.

As the conversation ended and we had each said what we felt, my parting words were: “we are working on getting better”.

We hung up calmly, but of course I was still feeling some frustration, sadness and low spirits, even knowing that I was not the one affected by the situation behind the call.
I gave myself time to feel and to understand, but meanwhile a voice was calling out to me. It was MY PRIORITY. It said: come on, let us carry on, we are doing well, do not let yourself be distracted. I highlight those two words because it has cost me a great deal of time and energy to reach this level of awareness in my life.

After coming through very painful and demanding realities, I have learnt to turn down the noise, to recognise the voices that are not mine, and to aim my efforts in the direction I want, with fewer distractions and more focus.

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One of the brain's tendencies is to turn everything into a habit, and when you are watching yourself in order to work on what you feel is holding you back, you can notice a pull towards staying, almost obsessively, on the same question for a long time, without resolving it or leaving the spiral.

As I had already seen that, and seen that nothing happening — nor the noisy emotions — was mine, I decided to give the situation the place it deserved at that moment and to stay focused on the tasks I had already planned, working on them without distraction, listening to that inner call. And I will say it again: it sounds easy!

But the part that makes it less easy is that the ego starts asking for attention and wants to join the noise, so mixed feelings arrive; you want to argue why you did not feel the same, and deep down you wish the conversation had ended when what you felt was shared.

But what does this have to do with procrastination?

According to the Spanish Royal Academy, it is a word that comes from the Latin «procrastinare» and means «to defer, to postpone».

We will always have plenty of excuses for not acting in any part of our lives. So what better than an interruption like this to start that inner dialogue that goes back and forth, leads nowhere and never ends? What better than to carry on the argument with no one there, and return to the habit of thinking obsessively about the same thing, having a thousand imaginary conversations?

It is precisely then, when you have tools you have worked on about being here and now, about making the best of your time, about self-love, and when you are clear about what gives you meaning and what your purpose is, that you can use them, bring them together and make the most of them, so that they meet, powerfully, your need to resist and not to fall back into the old habit.
It is the moment for your tools to protect you from distraction, from procrastination and, most importantly, to help protect your priorities and your wish to move calmly along the road you want to walk.

In theory it is easy, but only becoming aware, and practising until the technique improves, will let you meet these calls to postpone your plans and to distract your mind, so that you can take a breath and stay focused on your priorities.

Recognising the noise, that voice which is not mine; listening to the voice that is mine; and tending to my priorities where I can. Understanding that our time and our energy are limited makes it easier to decide what it is that I have neither the time nor the energy for

Tatiana Sedano